Part 2

In order to try and give a bit more regularity to my posts; I will try and post by Wednesday of each week.

Here is part two of the story: again a rough draft


"His charm was driven by an instinctual knowledge of what romance was meant to feel like. In his presence, an emotion that had previously only been fantasy could be recreated and developed into a love story with an unavoidable ending. He could see clearly the cultural commonalities between people, using them effortlessly to create a sense of familiarity that would normally take years, Yet love was a plague. It was creative and destructively painful. It was only by taking a moment to step back that the past of this man could be examined, his actions accounted for"

I also realize that in order to cover the lovely side of romance it is necessary to examine its polar opposite; the 'dark side', which involves multiplying affection. Affection appears to me to be based on the duplicity of jealousy through emptiness, it is created in the realms of the familiar and is sustained by the curiosity of the unknown. Teasing with affection then removing that affection once it is reciprocated is a 'dark side strategy'; it achieves a particular goal without reflecting accurately the intentions or emotions of the behavior's author.

Remember - act with conviction, and make your actions genuine

xox Del

A very short story

This was penned while drunk, and edited to remove very embarrassing spelling/style mistakes.

There was once a man obsessed with the idea of a life of total freedom. He was filled with the youthful prosperity of ideas untarnished by the harsher realities of age; and with this mindset he traveled the world. Each new destination he would be fed by a blinding mirage of new lights, places filled with strange exotic music and buildings built from the landscape itself. He would find secret, hidden places, and in these places he could experience love anew each night - the love born through finding and knowing something novel to oneself yet utterly familiar to another. In each city he left a lifetime of potential hopes and dreams, a trail of footsteps leading from heartbreak.

Paying for Dinner

Del - why do some guys pay for dinner and drinks on a date with a girl? Should I do the same?

Expressions of affection for someone else should be genuine; genuine behavior contains the charisma of truth. Unfortunately, all too often, a guy may buy dinner for a girl as a way to win her admiration; he may think it demonstrates class, wealth or a gentlemanly nature. The tradition of the male paying for a meal originates from when men had greater purchasing power than women. This pragmatism being generally less relevant today, the place of purchasing dinner today is mainly to show affection to someone.

In most first date scenarios you barely know a girl, and buying dinner would be inappropriate. Cooking dinner may be better - or simply buying a drink, ice cream or a coffee (which can be passed as social politeness).

Note that this advice would be completely inapplicable to relationships.

<3 Del

Movies

Del, what movie do I take my date on?

There are two types of movies - the type where you know the ending, and the type where you have absolutely no idea. The first type gives you the reassurance in knowing that when the ending happens, you picked it - that life is going on the way it should. There's a degree of predictability, but its comfortable, wrapped in metaphors that deliver bluntly created meaning to the audience. The second type gives the pleasure of emotional discovery. Remember that special feeling when you see or feel something for the first time? The excitement of a first date? That is what the second type of movie gives you.

So - movies are either like first dates, or like long relationships.

Now you know which movie, when romancing a girl, goes where.

Peace.

Del

Screw it

I'm gonna drink

Fate

Do you believe in fate?

I've fallen sick - and in a decision hopefully longer-lived in duration, given up drinking.

A famous philosopher/writer (I forget) once said that we are not bodies with souls, we are souls with bodies. This quote started to make a bit more sense to me recently.

To me, people have different types of qualities; those that are superficial and those that go to their core. Our sense of mindfulness, the way we act, speak and interact with others, are characteristics that make up the shells of who we are - our souls lie deeper; and  are comprised of our underlying motives, goals, our deeper perspectives on life, love and compassion.

While fate may push us in strange directions, it has acted with more significance on who I am on the inside; at the same time it has changed my soul surprisingly little. Outside qualities develop organically from inner ideas and change constantly, radically and at times inconsistently. What a shift in the soul promises is emotional emancipation - the freedom to think and view the world in an entirely new way.

I've referred to our outer qualities as including 'mindfulness'; a sense of control over our actions and thoughts. I've decided to abstain from alcohol for some time - it has proven costly, removes mindfulness, and seems unnecessary in changing my character, even temporarily. Using alcohol to take away inhibitions or to gain confidence could weaken my natural confidence and decisiveness; by providing an alternate path to an uninhibited night, I could become a more inhibited person when sober.

These thoughts are all hypothetical of course - I will wait and see how things pan out.

I realize that my posts have become more oblique. This is in recognition of a greater audience; deeper messages may be read between the lines.

<3 Del

Long Awaited Post

I haven't posted for a while, and for this I am truly sorry. Writing is catharsis for me, it allows me to lay out emotions on paper, quantifying thoughts and ideas more concisely into words and phrases. While Canada has, perhaps anticlimactically, not been the intellectual and philosophical gold-mine I expected, it has taught me so much. I will try my best to share.

Right now I am sitting in my room in the dark, surrounded by the mess that are my possessions. I am not a possessive person; while I am sentimental I tend to be quite selective about what I do and don't keep. Canada has changed that- I am accumulating a collection of possessions that together define a little part of myself. On my shelf I have a ukulele, a large purple mug, a soft toy elephant. Below there are a couple of books including "Other People's Love Letters". There is a 3 book Spanish reader course, a diary, some finger puppets, a hat with horns. Underneath are posters; A Van Gogh of cherry blossoms, to compliment the large poster of Venice hung across from it.

I went to Whistler a couple of weekends ago in an attempt to escape these attachments.Despite the novelty of Vancouver I felt trapped in the lost potentialities of love, trapped in the unwavering nature fate seemed to take. The claustrophobia of residence has led to a certain staleness of life and caused me to lose the vision with which I came to Canada. When in Whistler, surrounded by the immense physical beauty of the Canadian wilderness, I realized that to truly learn more about myself, I needed some emotional distance.

It was too easy for one facet of life - such as the loss of potential love, to become conflated while in Vancouver. Challenges constantly entice me; but while I must overcome challenge, I could not let challenges overcome me.

Romantically my pursuits have not been extra-ordinary. I have romanced a handful of girls - though I have my sights set on others. Part of this is potentially controversial. There is something liberating or enticing in the idea of forbidden romance.

Romance can be discussed another time. I am glad to be able to write now, and promise that I will write again soon.

<3 Del

Ignore

Dramatic as it is; ignore the last post. Life has the funniest way of turning on you; making you think something then delivering something else. The girl is not who I thought she was.

Night x

Del

The Greatest Date Ever

I apologize in advance for any mistakes in this blog entry; I am writing this in a gentle post-date haze at 3am. I want to capture this feeling - because if I let it go it may never return.

This is the story of the most amazing date ever, the type that you read about in books or watch in movies.

I met the girl first in line for the cafeteria; undoubtedly if she hadn't mentioned that she was in my house during the line I wouldn't have talked to her. If I had gone to dinner at my appointed time, or with a friend, I also wouldn't have talked to her. By a strange coincidence, perhaps, I started talking to the girl, we exchanged number a couple of chance meetings later, and then watched a movie with a group of friends last night.

To be honest, readers, I was first put on guard - the girl was extraordinarily vivacious, lively and talkative, and seemed, to me, to be amazingly confident around people. At the same time I was aware how easy it could be for a girl like that to manipulate - and by the several guys following her around doting on her I was all to aware of the trap I could fall into.

It was by strange chance that I ended up watching movies with her - the movies I planned to watch with my friends that night were EXACTLY THE SAME as those she planned to watch with her friends - Mean Girls and the Lion King. We joined up our movies, and in the course of the night, went from sitting side by side to cuddling up together.

That brings us to tonight

I meet her at the beach, with a few of her friends. The girl is amazing - she is half french, half american - she would run up to chat to some wave-boarders to try their boards, and have the amazing ability to get them to instantly like her. We left her friends, and walked along the beach together, trying to wade to a rock as the sun was setting below the horizon. The sand was grey-black, the deep green pine forests on one side and the gentle sea on the other. We talked about finding a spot that one could be at peace in - and decided a swing-set was perfect. After saying goodbye to her friends, we decided to try and walk to the Japanese gardens - and found a swing attached to a tree, magically. We sat on the swing, she taught me to swing dance and ballroom dance. We tried to break into the Japanese gardens, gave up, found a rose garden where we re-enacted a scene from Hercules and the Sound of Music - complete with harmonizing duet. We named the stars and found satellites, we chased insects and danced around til we fell exhausted on the ground, before making our way back to her place, stopping to see skeletons of whales.

As we talked and joked, I gradually found myself learning more about her - realizing that under the shell of toughness and confidence she was just as scared and shy as anyone, including me. And as we lay in the dark in her room, after watching Mean Girls, and a night-time of sharing our favorite songs, I felt amazing, and sad.

Leaving

I leave the country in roughly 3 days -turning a blog whining about life here into a legitimate travel blog with amazing stories about life in Canada.

I met up with a girl on Saturday night noted for being particularly shy - but her level of shyness wasn't really apparent til I picked her up from her house. After stuttered answers to my enthusiastic initial questions, it became obvious she was pretty nerve-wracked, and I needed a quick solution to the problem.

I decided beforehand that the best approach was to initially hang out with her in a more social setting - I find that the intimacy of two people meeting for the first time creates an expectation of conversation, and can (for some people) put pressure to avoid 'silences'. Two people expecting chemistry can find it awkward when such silences divide them - but two individuals in a group setting will be less affected.

Of course, meeting in a group is not a great way to romance someone; the point of a date is to find out how compatible two people are in each other's company. Often this compatibility is masked in group situations; and it is only alone that an individual's true nature can come out. I thus attempted several things while alone - I tried to lower my voice, talking a little less and inviting more conversation from the girl. I also attempted to show that not conversing was acceptable - by pointing out, for example, how peaceful a quiet walk through the city was. Someone who is shy may be under the false belief that their opinions are not as worthy or important as those of others; so I tried to draw as many links in conversation as I could - to demonstrate that I was listening to everything she told me before.

In the end, by the time we reached the club the girl seemed pretty charmed - but still got flustered every time we started to dance together. Realizing I was fighting a losing battle - that not advancing was costing me success, but pushing was scaring the shy girl, I left.

As I walked back to my car, I decided upon a theory that works (for me at least) - the theory of "push". When on a date with a girl, after getting to know her and making it clear that I've consider her valuable to me, the best thing I can do is slowly increase the physical contact between me and her til I meet some resistance. At that point I will stop, and continue making sure the date is fun. The message I am sending is threefold; I am confident enough in myself to try and get what I want, I am nevertheless unfazed when this does not happen, and despite having an ultimate goal, I won't walk away if I don't get what I want - I am determined.

<3 Del

A Plan

Tonight I intended to blog about an amazing romantic evening spent with a gorgeous woman; sickness has prevented this. Nevertheless, I planned to be disciplined and write something - which segues perfectly into writing about plans.

I find that conversation with some people has no real purpose. We've all experienced this. You start a conversation with cliche greetings, then inquiries into how each other's day/holiday/uni has been, attempt small talk about units and how hard it is to get back to working, and then awkwardly drift apart from the other individual seemingly with NOTHING else to talk about.

This is in stark contrast to conversations with close friends - where topics can flow easily and quickly, and time (forgive the overused saying) flies. There seems to be two main schools of thought here; one that suggests the real difference is "chemistry" or "fate", and another, perhaps more dominant idea that human connections can be 'created' - that individuals can be charmed or won over. Real human connections lie in not just knowledge of the facts surrounding someone's life, but the deeper associated issues; all the varied myriad of emotions and thoughts and feelings and most of all plans linked to the fact.

At the risk of being vague I'll summarize.

An individual's decision to meet a girl one rainy winters night, much like tonight, could be driven by motives kind or cruel; he could be compelled by romantic impulse to woo the girl's heart, or he may be driven to break it to satiate a flagging self esteem. The girl could remind him of some love from long ago, he could be excited, he could be heartbroken, he could be delirious with nostalgia. He could dread the future, miss the past or be so completely content and consumed by the present that he forgets both; and all these feelings and emotions could drive how this one single encounter eventuates.

I don't believe human connections can be formed by any precise formula, I believe we are too wonderfully rash and beautifully imprecise for that. Real connection is an understanding of not only what another person is doing but how they feel, what drives and compels them; and true understanding, short of some rare perfect moments, is hard to come by.

I could easily finish this complete shamble of a ramble with "nothing makes sense" (as suggested by a friend) - but I'll instead say this - value your friends. I've found beautiful and amazing evenings with girls who were totally wrong romantically for me, I have had terrible misunderstandings with the closest of my friends - but neither romance or friendships can be forced, and trying to emulate a connection where there is none has just led to sadness for me. These things are delicate, and should be treated as such.

<3 Del

Welcome

Good evening everyone, my name is (for all intents and purposes) Del Rozario, I'm a young male from Australia, and we are hopefully about to start an insightful journey together.

The word 'romance' is thrown around a lot today, and, as with terms such as 'charisma', 'grace' and 'love', it has been used and twisted, a shadow of what it used to mean. The modern man, faced with the daily dilemma of maintaining his manliness while simultaneously attempting to sustain real human connections, must rely on an ever confusing range of often conflicting information in deciding how to woo and keep the girl of his dreams.

Because winning the girl is the ultimate goal of male existence, right?

The point of my writing is not to defend or solve the confusion of current male existence. I do not and will not attempt to show that there is a better way, some sort of middle ground to salvation, I will certainly not be pretentious enough to pretend to hold such wisdom. Writing is a connection that exists not just to teach, but to inspire, to console, sustain, nurture.

This is the life of a modern romantic - a life that we lead or try to lead, yet are afraid to honestly detail.

Introductions having been dealt with - let me tell you about my Wednesday evening. After dabbling to my fill with good conversation and good food in some local pubs (I spent the night driving, not drinking), a friend and I struck out alone, leaving the comfort of known friends to hit the town. We started the night with cigars and whiskey in the bean-bag filled trunk of my car before hitting the clubs, introducing ourselves to pave our way through the night. Our evening was filled with loud music, tacky kebab vendors and skanky drag-queens - we entertained petty theft, got lost, witnessed fights, aided romance, insulted indie kids and their music, and danced the night away, washing it all down with the greasiest of pizzas.

It was the sort of night where, even sober, a guy could learn alot about his place in the world. So there's a few places I could go here - I could talk about my nights, I could talk about girls and romance, or just let my train of thought flow in true blog style.

Readers (few as there are) - thoughts?

<3 Del