I leave the country in roughly 3 days -turning a blog whining about life here into a legitimate travel blog with amazing stories about life in Canada.
I met up with a girl on Saturday night noted for being particularly shy - but her level of shyness wasn't really apparent til I picked her up from her house. After stuttered answers to my enthusiastic initial questions, it became obvious she was pretty nerve-wracked, and I needed a quick solution to the problem.
I decided beforehand that the best approach was to initially hang out with her in a more social setting - I find that the intimacy of two people meeting for the first time creates an expectation of conversation, and can (for some people) put pressure to avoid 'silences'. Two people expecting chemistry can find it awkward when such silences divide them - but two individuals in a group setting will be less affected.
Of course, meeting in a group is not a great way to romance someone; the point of a date is to find out how compatible two people are in each other's company. Often this compatibility is masked in group situations; and it is only alone that an individual's true nature can come out. I thus attempted several things while alone - I tried to lower my voice, talking a little less and inviting more conversation from the girl. I also attempted to show that not conversing was acceptable - by pointing out, for example, how peaceful a quiet walk through the city was. Someone who is shy may be under the false belief that their opinions are not as worthy or important as those of others; so I tried to draw as many links in conversation as I could - to demonstrate that I was listening to everything she told me before.
In the end, by the time we reached the club the girl seemed pretty charmed - but still got flustered every time we started to dance together. Realizing I was fighting a losing battle - that not advancing was costing me success, but pushing was scaring the shy girl, I left.
As I walked back to my car, I decided upon a theory that works (for me at least) - the theory of "push". When on a date with a girl, after getting to know her and making it clear that I've consider her valuable to me, the best thing I can do is slowly increase the physical contact between me and her til I meet some resistance. At that point I will stop, and continue making sure the date is fun. The message I am sending is threefold; I am confident enough in myself to try and get what I want, I am nevertheless unfazed when this does not happen, and despite having an ultimate goal, I won't walk away if I don't get what I want - I am determined.
<3 Del
Of course, meeting in a group is not a great way to romance someone; the point of a date is to find out how compatible two people are in each other's company. Often this compatibility is masked in group situations; and it is only alone that an individual's true nature can come out. I thus attempted several things while alone - I tried to lower my voice, talking a little less and inviting more conversation from the girl. I also attempted to show that not conversing was acceptable - by pointing out, for example, how peaceful a quiet walk through the city was. Someone who is shy may be under the false belief that their opinions are not as worthy or important as those of others; so I tried to draw as many links in conversation as I could - to demonstrate that I was listening to everything she told me before.
In the end, by the time we reached the club the girl seemed pretty charmed - but still got flustered every time we started to dance together. Realizing I was fighting a losing battle - that not advancing was costing me success, but pushing was scaring the shy girl, I left.
As I walked back to my car, I decided upon a theory that works (for me at least) - the theory of "push". When on a date with a girl, after getting to know her and making it clear that I've consider her valuable to me, the best thing I can do is slowly increase the physical contact between me and her til I meet some resistance. At that point I will stop, and continue making sure the date is fun. The message I am sending is threefold; I am confident enough in myself to try and get what I want, I am nevertheless unfazed when this does not happen, and despite having an ultimate goal, I won't walk away if I don't get what I want - I am determined.
<3 Del
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