Leaving

I leave the country in roughly 3 days -turning a blog whining about life here into a legitimate travel blog with amazing stories about life in Canada.

I met up with a girl on Saturday night noted for being particularly shy - but her level of shyness wasn't really apparent til I picked her up from her house. After stuttered answers to my enthusiastic initial questions, it became obvious she was pretty nerve-wracked, and I needed a quick solution to the problem.

I decided beforehand that the best approach was to initially hang out with her in a more social setting - I find that the intimacy of two people meeting for the first time creates an expectation of conversation, and can (for some people) put pressure to avoid 'silences'. Two people expecting chemistry can find it awkward when such silences divide them - but two individuals in a group setting will be less affected.

Of course, meeting in a group is not a great way to romance someone; the point of a date is to find out how compatible two people are in each other's company. Often this compatibility is masked in group situations; and it is only alone that an individual's true nature can come out. I thus attempted several things while alone - I tried to lower my voice, talking a little less and inviting more conversation from the girl. I also attempted to show that not conversing was acceptable - by pointing out, for example, how peaceful a quiet walk through the city was. Someone who is shy may be under the false belief that their opinions are not as worthy or important as those of others; so I tried to draw as many links in conversation as I could - to demonstrate that I was listening to everything she told me before.

In the end, by the time we reached the club the girl seemed pretty charmed - but still got flustered every time we started to dance together. Realizing I was fighting a losing battle - that not advancing was costing me success, but pushing was scaring the shy girl, I left.

As I walked back to my car, I decided upon a theory that works (for me at least) - the theory of "push". When on a date with a girl, after getting to know her and making it clear that I've consider her valuable to me, the best thing I can do is slowly increase the physical contact between me and her til I meet some resistance. At that point I will stop, and continue making sure the date is fun. The message I am sending is threefold; I am confident enough in myself to try and get what I want, I am nevertheless unfazed when this does not happen, and despite having an ultimate goal, I won't walk away if I don't get what I want - I am determined.

<3 Del

A Plan

Tonight I intended to blog about an amazing romantic evening spent with a gorgeous woman; sickness has prevented this. Nevertheless, I planned to be disciplined and write something - which segues perfectly into writing about plans.

I find that conversation with some people has no real purpose. We've all experienced this. You start a conversation with cliche greetings, then inquiries into how each other's day/holiday/uni has been, attempt small talk about units and how hard it is to get back to working, and then awkwardly drift apart from the other individual seemingly with NOTHING else to talk about.

This is in stark contrast to conversations with close friends - where topics can flow easily and quickly, and time (forgive the overused saying) flies. There seems to be two main schools of thought here; one that suggests the real difference is "chemistry" or "fate", and another, perhaps more dominant idea that human connections can be 'created' - that individuals can be charmed or won over. Real human connections lie in not just knowledge of the facts surrounding someone's life, but the deeper associated issues; all the varied myriad of emotions and thoughts and feelings and most of all plans linked to the fact.

At the risk of being vague I'll summarize.

An individual's decision to meet a girl one rainy winters night, much like tonight, could be driven by motives kind or cruel; he could be compelled by romantic impulse to woo the girl's heart, or he may be driven to break it to satiate a flagging self esteem. The girl could remind him of some love from long ago, he could be excited, he could be heartbroken, he could be delirious with nostalgia. He could dread the future, miss the past or be so completely content and consumed by the present that he forgets both; and all these feelings and emotions could drive how this one single encounter eventuates.

I don't believe human connections can be formed by any precise formula, I believe we are too wonderfully rash and beautifully imprecise for that. Real connection is an understanding of not only what another person is doing but how they feel, what drives and compels them; and true understanding, short of some rare perfect moments, is hard to come by.

I could easily finish this complete shamble of a ramble with "nothing makes sense" (as suggested by a friend) - but I'll instead say this - value your friends. I've found beautiful and amazing evenings with girls who were totally wrong romantically for me, I have had terrible misunderstandings with the closest of my friends - but neither romance or friendships can be forced, and trying to emulate a connection where there is none has just led to sadness for me. These things are delicate, and should be treated as such.

<3 Del

Welcome

Good evening everyone, my name is (for all intents and purposes) Del Rozario, I'm a young male from Australia, and we are hopefully about to start an insightful journey together.

The word 'romance' is thrown around a lot today, and, as with terms such as 'charisma', 'grace' and 'love', it has been used and twisted, a shadow of what it used to mean. The modern man, faced with the daily dilemma of maintaining his manliness while simultaneously attempting to sustain real human connections, must rely on an ever confusing range of often conflicting information in deciding how to woo and keep the girl of his dreams.

Because winning the girl is the ultimate goal of male existence, right?

The point of my writing is not to defend or solve the confusion of current male existence. I do not and will not attempt to show that there is a better way, some sort of middle ground to salvation, I will certainly not be pretentious enough to pretend to hold such wisdom. Writing is a connection that exists not just to teach, but to inspire, to console, sustain, nurture.

This is the life of a modern romantic - a life that we lead or try to lead, yet are afraid to honestly detail.

Introductions having been dealt with - let me tell you about my Wednesday evening. After dabbling to my fill with good conversation and good food in some local pubs (I spent the night driving, not drinking), a friend and I struck out alone, leaving the comfort of known friends to hit the town. We started the night with cigars and whiskey in the bean-bag filled trunk of my car before hitting the clubs, introducing ourselves to pave our way through the night. Our evening was filled with loud music, tacky kebab vendors and skanky drag-queens - we entertained petty theft, got lost, witnessed fights, aided romance, insulted indie kids and their music, and danced the night away, washing it all down with the greasiest of pizzas.

It was the sort of night where, even sober, a guy could learn alot about his place in the world. So there's a few places I could go here - I could talk about my nights, I could talk about girls and romance, or just let my train of thought flow in true blog style.

Readers (few as there are) - thoughts?

<3 Del