Part 2

In order to try and give a bit more regularity to my posts; I will try and post by Wednesday of each week.

Here is part two of the story: again a rough draft


"His charm was driven by an instinctual knowledge of what romance was meant to feel like. In his presence, an emotion that had previously only been fantasy could be recreated and developed into a love story with an unavoidable ending. He could see clearly the cultural commonalities between people, using them effortlessly to create a sense of familiarity that would normally take years, Yet love was a plague. It was creative and destructively painful. It was only by taking a moment to step back that the past of this man could be examined, his actions accounted for"

I also realize that in order to cover the lovely side of romance it is necessary to examine its polar opposite; the 'dark side', which involves multiplying affection. Affection appears to me to be based on the duplicity of jealousy through emptiness, it is created in the realms of the familiar and is sustained by the curiosity of the unknown. Teasing with affection then removing that affection once it is reciprocated is a 'dark side strategy'; it achieves a particular goal without reflecting accurately the intentions or emotions of the behavior's author.

Remember - act with conviction, and make your actions genuine

xox Del

A very short story

This was penned while drunk, and edited to remove very embarrassing spelling/style mistakes.

There was once a man obsessed with the idea of a life of total freedom. He was filled with the youthful prosperity of ideas untarnished by the harsher realities of age; and with this mindset he traveled the world. Each new destination he would be fed by a blinding mirage of new lights, places filled with strange exotic music and buildings built from the landscape itself. He would find secret, hidden places, and in these places he could experience love anew each night - the love born through finding and knowing something novel to oneself yet utterly familiar to another. In each city he left a lifetime of potential hopes and dreams, a trail of footsteps leading from heartbreak.

Paying for Dinner

Del - why do some guys pay for dinner and drinks on a date with a girl? Should I do the same?

Expressions of affection for someone else should be genuine; genuine behavior contains the charisma of truth. Unfortunately, all too often, a guy may buy dinner for a girl as a way to win her admiration; he may think it demonstrates class, wealth or a gentlemanly nature. The tradition of the male paying for a meal originates from when men had greater purchasing power than women. This pragmatism being generally less relevant today, the place of purchasing dinner today is mainly to show affection to someone.

In most first date scenarios you barely know a girl, and buying dinner would be inappropriate. Cooking dinner may be better - or simply buying a drink, ice cream or a coffee (which can be passed as social politeness).

Note that this advice would be completely inapplicable to relationships.

<3 Del

Movies

Del, what movie do I take my date on?

There are two types of movies - the type where you know the ending, and the type where you have absolutely no idea. The first type gives you the reassurance in knowing that when the ending happens, you picked it - that life is going on the way it should. There's a degree of predictability, but its comfortable, wrapped in metaphors that deliver bluntly created meaning to the audience. The second type gives the pleasure of emotional discovery. Remember that special feeling when you see or feel something for the first time? The excitement of a first date? That is what the second type of movie gives you.

So - movies are either like first dates, or like long relationships.

Now you know which movie, when romancing a girl, goes where.

Peace.

Del

Screw it

I'm gonna drink

Fate

Do you believe in fate?

I've fallen sick - and in a decision hopefully longer-lived in duration, given up drinking.

A famous philosopher/writer (I forget) once said that we are not bodies with souls, we are souls with bodies. This quote started to make a bit more sense to me recently.

To me, people have different types of qualities; those that are superficial and those that go to their core. Our sense of mindfulness, the way we act, speak and interact with others, are characteristics that make up the shells of who we are - our souls lie deeper; and  are comprised of our underlying motives, goals, our deeper perspectives on life, love and compassion.

While fate may push us in strange directions, it has acted with more significance on who I am on the inside; at the same time it has changed my soul surprisingly little. Outside qualities develop organically from inner ideas and change constantly, radically and at times inconsistently. What a shift in the soul promises is emotional emancipation - the freedom to think and view the world in an entirely new way.

I've referred to our outer qualities as including 'mindfulness'; a sense of control over our actions and thoughts. I've decided to abstain from alcohol for some time - it has proven costly, removes mindfulness, and seems unnecessary in changing my character, even temporarily. Using alcohol to take away inhibitions or to gain confidence could weaken my natural confidence and decisiveness; by providing an alternate path to an uninhibited night, I could become a more inhibited person when sober.

These thoughts are all hypothetical of course - I will wait and see how things pan out.

I realize that my posts have become more oblique. This is in recognition of a greater audience; deeper messages may be read between the lines.

<3 Del

Long Awaited Post

I haven't posted for a while, and for this I am truly sorry. Writing is catharsis for me, it allows me to lay out emotions on paper, quantifying thoughts and ideas more concisely into words and phrases. While Canada has, perhaps anticlimactically, not been the intellectual and philosophical gold-mine I expected, it has taught me so much. I will try my best to share.

Right now I am sitting in my room in the dark, surrounded by the mess that are my possessions. I am not a possessive person; while I am sentimental I tend to be quite selective about what I do and don't keep. Canada has changed that- I am accumulating a collection of possessions that together define a little part of myself. On my shelf I have a ukulele, a large purple mug, a soft toy elephant. Below there are a couple of books including "Other People's Love Letters". There is a 3 book Spanish reader course, a diary, some finger puppets, a hat with horns. Underneath are posters; A Van Gogh of cherry blossoms, to compliment the large poster of Venice hung across from it.

I went to Whistler a couple of weekends ago in an attempt to escape these attachments.Despite the novelty of Vancouver I felt trapped in the lost potentialities of love, trapped in the unwavering nature fate seemed to take. The claustrophobia of residence has led to a certain staleness of life and caused me to lose the vision with which I came to Canada. When in Whistler, surrounded by the immense physical beauty of the Canadian wilderness, I realized that to truly learn more about myself, I needed some emotional distance.

It was too easy for one facet of life - such as the loss of potential love, to become conflated while in Vancouver. Challenges constantly entice me; but while I must overcome challenge, I could not let challenges overcome me.

Romantically my pursuits have not been extra-ordinary. I have romanced a handful of girls - though I have my sights set on others. Part of this is potentially controversial. There is something liberating or enticing in the idea of forbidden romance.

Romance can be discussed another time. I am glad to be able to write now, and promise that I will write again soon.

<3 Del